Dare to Love the Story
Week One: Story is Love
ICE BREAKER:
Share one funny, cute or embarrassing story that happened to you during your childhood -or- within the last couple weeks.
BRENÉ BROWN VIDEO:
QUESTIONS AND MAIN TAKE-AWAY:
Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston, and 5-time New York Times best seller. Her research covers courage, vulnerability, shame and empathy. She consistently reminds us that vulnerability and courage are one in the same, and without vulnerability we cannot fully live.
In today’s video, Brown discusses what it means to courageously own our stories.
What did you think of the video? What stuck out to you, and why?
She teaches the viewer of the origin of the word “Courage.” The original latin, cor, meant heart. When it first stepped into the english language, the definition was “to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.”
“Courage is to tell our story with our whole heart.” - Brené Brown
But, she also notes that humans are meaning-making people, and we use story to shape our worth. We chose to own some pieces of our story, but not all, in the hopes of shaping ourselves to who we desire to be. The problem, though, is that our worthiness and wholeness lies within the stories we abandon. In denying pieces of our story, we step into a sense of shame about who we are. We can never fully live in shame.
Have you ever imagined how a scenario or situation would play out, only to be surprised/disappointed/dissatisfied with the outcome? Why do you think that was?
Are there pieces of your life story that you have used to connect with another person? What was that experience? Did you find that it helped build trust and connection?
Where do you think God is most present in the ownership of our stories? In the courage it takes to claim them? In the expressing of them to another? In the healing that comes with sharing our stories within ourselves or someone else? Explain.
“When you deny a story, it defines you. When you own a story, you get to write the ending.” - Brené Brown
How can you use your story to make the world a better place?
How might your life look different if you lived with the intention of crafting a story that made the world a better place?
Ultimately, our stories - in all their messiness, broken and hard parts, and glory - allow us to love better. We grow to step away from shame around our past. Instead, we can more deeply love ourselves. We can recognize that where we are is not where we’ve been, and even on our hardest day we can love ourselves for who we are, right now.
They also help us to better love our neighbors. We’ve all been through something, and each of our journeys look different. In owning our story, we can relate to others with similar experiences. We can remind them that they aren’t alone, they aren’t defined by their past, and that they, too, are worthy of unconditional love and grace.
This is the kind of love our stories create, and it’s the kind of love we find in the story of Jesus. Jesus wasn’t ashamed of humanity. Instead, he chose to join us and live our story alongside us. He experienced all the hard, messy, painful parts of humanity and loves us still. Individually, he loves you as you are, story and all. Communally, he loves us so much that he was willing to die so we could be free to step away from shame, and into the fullness of life, and life more abundantly.
On this Ash Wednesday, we’re reminded that it’s from the dust of the earth that our stories begin, and it’s in dust that our stories will end. But, we’re all dust, and our stories are woven together by this fact. You are crafted with the same dust that shapes the stars in the sky, and the ground beneath your feet - filled with intentionality and care.
As we begin this Lenten season, I invite you to consider what kind of soil you desire your story to be: dry, dusty earth that chokes any opportunity of life and growth, or damp, fertile ground that allows for transformation, sustainability and life-giving sustenance to all who encounter it.
APPLICATION: What can you do this Lenten season to step more courageously into your story? Do you need to give something up? Take something on? Start a new practice?
Week Two: Wholeheartedness
BRENÉ BROWN VIDEO:
QUESTIONS AND MAIN TAKE-AWAY:
Last week, we listened to Dr. Brené Brown discuss the power of our story. Specifically, she discussed the origin of the word “Courage.” The original latin, cor, meant heart. When it first stepped into the english language, the definition was “to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.” Today, we’re taking a closer look at what it means to live wholeheartedly, and what that has to do with our stories.
What are your thoughts or reactions to the video?
“I’m scared, I’m imperfect, I’m vulnerable, but that doesn't change the fact that I am worthy of love and belonging, and I’m brave.” - Brené Brown
Brown notes that this quote reminds her of what it means to live wholeheartedly. When you read that, where do you see what it means to live with wholeheartedness?
Do you feel like this quote fully represents your life and the way you view yourself? If no, where do you see the disconnect? What would it look like to grow stronger in that area? Pause and reflect before answering.
“We have not loved you with our whole hearts.” - Episcopal Book of Prayer
Brene reminds us that when we don’t put our whole self into something, we live halfheartedly. We don’t take the full risk. She says that, “the only thing worse than a wholehearted failure is a halfhearted failure.”
What does halfheartedness look like for you?
What holds you back from living and loving with your whole heart?
How does this idea of living wholeheartedly relate to the ownership of our personal stories?
How does halfhearted living impact your relationship with God? What might you gain from wholeheartedness in your faith journey?
What, then, does wholeheartedness mean for you in your faith development?
APPLICATION:
This week, take ~10 minutes to reflect on your current relationship with God. Where are you wholeheartedly invested? Where are you only halfway in? I invite you to do this objectively. This is simply a reflection, taking inventory of where you are right now.
Then, take ~10 minutes to think about what it would look like to go deeper. What do you need for your relationship with God to go from halfhearted to wholehearted? What role does your life story play in what that looks like? How can this community support you in that process?
Once you’ve taken some time to reflect, reach out to one of your Crew leaders. Hangout, discuss your findings and see how they can further encourage you on your faith and life journey. We’re on the road together. Our stories are all connected. Lets support one another along the way!
Week Three: Power With
ICE BREAKER:
BRENÉ BROWN VIDEO:
QUESTIONS AND MAIN TAKE-AWAY:
In our first week, we talked about what it means to own our stories. As Brown says, when we decide to take ownership of who we are and what we’ve experienced, we get to write the ending to the narrative. It no longer defines or controls us. Part of that ownership, she explained, is living courageously.
Courageous living is living with our whole hearts. Wholeheartedness means knowing our story, being willing to take risks, and to live life with vulnerability and courage. When it comes to loving God, we’re called to love with our whole hearts. This directly links to how we’re able to then love those around us. Wholehearted love of ourselves and our story means wholehearted love of neighbor, and that’s wholehearted love of God.
How did everyone do with their application last week? If you haven’t yet, take some time to discuss it now!
After being asked, “What do we want love to be?” Brené said, “I think we confuse it with happy. I think we confuse it with pleasure. I think we confuse it with short-term gratification. But it’s just not.”
What do you want love to be? Why might love not look as you wish?
If love doesn’t look as we wish, what does that mean for how we learn to give / receive it?
“Love and shame are mutually exclusive. Love and threatening are mutually exclusive. You don’t have to exercise power over people to love them. In fact, you can exercise power with people, which was Jesus’ power, with people.”
What does it mean to exercise power with people?
What does it feel like to have power exercised over you, compared to power exercised with you? What is the key difference?
What does ‘power with’ mean for how you lead in your spheres of influence?
“Church has become power over, when Jesus was power with.” We know Jesus to be the greatest teacher of love within the Christian faith. He so often contradicted what was recognized as appropriate when exercising his power. He set the greatest example of how to appropriately use our story to yield the life-giving power we’re given.
Are you using your power over others, or with and among them?
APPLICATION: What is one way you can step into the power you carry to bring someone alongside you?